Q:I saw some of the replies to my relationship confession and I can't have both. Guy A wouldn't agree and Guy B lives 6hours away, he'd obviously include a move. Ive given Guy A an ultimatum but I don't know if I'll be strong enough to follow through.
That makes sense, and honestly I don’t think that poly is a necessarily a good answer to a relationship that’s in trouble- it should be something that’s entered in to out of the free will of everyone involved, making it a “Well, let me be poly or I’ll leave you” is just not a good idea.
Be strong, and take care of yourself. That’s all you can do.
Q:I find myself at a crossroads. I love 2 men very much but I have to choose. A 5 year relationship with past infidelity on both sides and a lagging sex life that's safe or a man I've known for years who is everything I need but would mean change
Oh, I wish I had advice I could give you, but, in the end, the decision comes down to you. So I hope you can find a path that makes you happy. Good luck, anon.
Q:I'm wary because when I look at your blog I feel a vague but consistent sense of something being "off" with how it represents you. While I enjoy most of the things you post, there is that twinge of warning in the back of my head when I see how you consider the world around you; I don't know, but I feel there is a hairline fracture in your critical lens, and it makes me nervous. Then again, it may just be my personal disposition not matching your own. I hope it's that. That's my confession.
I can understand that. I mean, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my critical lens, but obviously I wouldn’t. But, y’know, you have to trust your instincts.
Q:I like your blog most of the time, but I'm wary of you.
That’s probably fair. Any particular reason?
Q:i confess that from the things that make up your tumblr, i think your an awesome person. i think if i knew you i would get happy just seeing you or even thinking about you. the fact that you can be so passionate about the things you are passionate about.
Thank you, anon, that’s sweet.
Q:I haven't had sex with my partner for over a year. It's not that I don't love him. I'm still attracted to him, but my sex drive has become nonexistent. I don't know if it's depression, which I take medication for, or hormonal. I know I haven't been depressed for over a year. It comes and goes. I feel horribly guilty about all of this. He says it's okay and he understands and oddly it hasn't affected our relationship, the love and commitment is still there, but I feel like I'm cheating him.
It might be your medication. I know that a fair number of antidepressants suppress the libido.
And you’re not cheating your partner. Your partner cares about you, that’s what’s important to them. If he understands and is okay with it, I don’t think you need to give yourself extra guilt over that.
Your partner sounds very supportive, which is fantastic (and I just want to tell him and give him a hug for that) so I’d say it’s important to keep talking about how you’re feeling. Both so he knows how you’re feeling and you know how he’s feeling.
Q:"But women aren’t saying that." Then they should avoid that argument by FUCKING USING THEIR GODDAMN WORDS AND SAYING WHAT THEY ACTUALLY MEAN. Or is it so difficult for them to open their mouths and produce sound a few more times? Should I say that all women are terrible people because a good 98% of the people who have mocked, harassed, and otherwise abused me (a woman as well) are women? Or do women get some kind of Get Out of Jail Free card because they possess a vagina or identify as such?
Look, I don’t know what your personal experiences with other women have been. From what I’ve seen, men can be just as cruel, albeit perhaps in different ways. And it sucks that you’ve had so many women be cruel to you, I’m sorry.
But you are missing the point of that post. Because all those things I say women are saying? Are things I have seen women say and still get replies about how “Not all men are like that.” The post isn’t about some hidden, arcane meaning in what women say. It’s very specifically about men not saying what they mean. It’s about men saying “But not all men are like that,” when what they really mean is “Interrupt your personal worries and fears to take time to flatter my ego, tell me I’m an exception, stop talking about your safety for a minute to make sure you aren’t hurting my feelings, we need to divert the conversation about a condition that puts you at risk and runs virulently through our society to make sure that you acknowledge that I’m a decent person.”
That is why “Not all guys are like that” is bullshit. It’s not about women not saying what they mean. It’s about people not listening to the actual words women are saying, and you’re still trying to blame women for it.
(Plus, y’know, “woman” and “vagina” aren’t synonymous, so…)
Q:What are your thoughts about the "Lulu" app? and "Tubby"?
I’d never heard of them before this ask, but they both kind of seem like technological extensions of the kind of gossip people normally share with their friends. Which, I mean, could be potentially helpful in some cases of abuse and the like, but more likely seems like a venue for people who are upset after a break-up to vent that anger. They don’t seem like good ideas to me. *shrugs*
(Also, from my quick scan of a couple of articles, they seem to have one with women commenting on men and one with men commenting on women, which, y’know, it’s fairly heteronormative, so dock points for that.)
Q:Have you ever watched the Librarian films with Noah Wyle?
I have not. I want to, just haven’t had a chance.
Q:Did you go to college and if so what was your major?
I did. I didn’t finish a degree, for various reasons, but I was a history education major with a minor in physics. If I went back today (which I’d like to do at some point to get a bachelor’s) I’d probably pick something different.
5: If you were given the opportunity to spend 48 hours with absolutely anyone (living or dead), who would you spend it with and what would you do?
I would go hang out with Jenn, and we would bake and play D&D and go out for milkshakes and french fries and scribble out story ideas and hug and have long, nerdy conversations and just relax.
8: What kind of underwear do you prefer wearing?
Boxers, pretty much always.
11: What is the strangest thing you have in your room? (You are not allowed to explain why you own it.)
21: Who do you ship?
Oh so many people. Hawkeye and Black Widow are the main pair.
Q:At first glance I thought that said wealthy big penis...
I did, too. But it’s true- I am a large pen.
Q:What's your favorite videogame(s), TV show(s), movie(s), anime(s), and fictional character(s), and also favorite song(s)?
Video games: Dragon Age 1 and 2, Star Wars Battlefronts 1 and 2, Final Fantasy XII, Katamari Damacy, Borderlands.
TV shows: Firefly, Farscape, Deep Space Nine, Community, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Brisco County Jr., West Wing, Game of Thrones, Parks and Recreation, Bob’s Burgers, Homicide: Life on the Streets.
Movies: Clue, Galaxy Quest, Charade, Pacific Rim, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Young Frankenstein, Moonrise Kingdom, Princess Bride, Noises Off!, Hot Fuzz, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
Animes: Cowboy Bebop, FLCL, Samurai Champloo. I never got hugely into anime, really, despite the best efforts of some people I knew in high school.
Fictional characters: Ben Sisko, Tyrion Lannister, Black Widow, Harry Dresden, Malcolm Reynolds, Katara, Sokka, Mako Mori.
Favorite songs: Fade Into You by Mazzy Star, Won’t Be Home by Old ’97s, Stand Too Close by Motion City Soundtrack, Up In Flames by She Wants Revenge, King by Jane Jensen, Killing Moon by Echo and the Bunnymen, Follow You Down by Gin Blossoms, Satellite by Guster, Electronaut by VNV Nation, Heart of a Girl by The Killers
A lot of these are mainly just the first ones that come to mind,