Q:So I've followed you for awhile on Tumblr, and I think (I wont make assumptions I suppose) youre into the dom/sub area of sexual play. And well, if you are, I could seriously use your help. I don't know where to look or who to ask. My girlfriend really wants me to play a Dominating role, but a) I have severe worry I will hurt her (she is kind of sensitive to pain) and b) I don't really know what sorts of domination there are with degrading or pain, two things she hates. Any words would help.

Anonymous

You are correct- apparently it’s my evening for getting BDSM related asks. =)

There’s plenty of things that you can do that don’t involve pain- not all subs are masochists, so pain isn’t inherently required for D/s, even if it is pretty prominently displayed a lot of the time. Giving her tasks to perform for you, orgasm control, bondage doesn’t have to be painful, having her kneel, picking out what she wears, speech or food restrictions, posture control, writing assignments… There’s a lot of choices out there.

Also? Talk to her. Ask her what kind of things she thinks she’d enjoy. Is she looking for you to be dom primarily in bed, or outside of that, too? I think it’s like that she either she has specific ideas in mind and can help guide you, or she’s uncertain and you can explore and learn together. Either way, it’s a good way to get closer as a couple. I hope you enjoy it.

7 Notes/ Hide

  1. grail76 said: You know, you can be dominant and not do anything to hurt her. Get a fly swatter and spank her with it. If she finds it to stingy, Well now you know. If she likes it you can move it up. A fly swatter won’t hurt her. blindfolds & rope doesn’t hurt
  2. nudityandnerdery posted this