“New year, new me,” I say, laughing to my friends. Suddenly, I throw my arms out, golden light erupting from my hands and face. I scream in agony as every single cell in my body is rewritten, atom by atom. Abruptly, the light show ends and I drop my arms, coughing out a golden trail of residual energy. I am completely made new.
As I stand here, sweating and shivering from this stupid fucking fever, and chug the last of my coffee so that I might have a faint chance of staying awake at work long enough to make it to lunch and get more caffeine, I look at my reflection in the mirror and remind myself: I am an attractive human being.
“Mikey got with Sharon, Sharon got Cherise, as she was sharin’ sharon’s outlook on the topic of disease, Mikey had a facial scar and Bobby was a racist, they were all in love with dying, they were doing it in Texas, Tommy played piano like a kid out in the rain, and then he lost his leg in Dallas, he was dancing with a train…”
There is a petition on Whitehouse.gov that will restrict congressmen and senators salaries to $75,000 a year for the next THREE YEARS to pay off the deficit! It needs 20,919 signatures, And it’s still under 5,000
HELP GET THIS DONE!
SIGNAL FUCKING BOOST
For the record, the $53.5 million dollars this would save each year wouldn’t make a noticeable dent in the deficit…